Not Buying It by Brett Graff

Author:Brett Graff
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781580055925
Publisher: Seal Press
Published: 2016-01-24T16:00:00+00:00

Raise Them Better for Less

No one is suggesting we remove sports or drama from our kids’ schedules. There are countless physical, intellectual, and psychological benefits to introducing our kids to all extracurricular activities. But when it comes to encouraging their success in these arenas, the most effective methods are either free or inexpensive.

Between the ages of three and eight years old, we can forget about private lessons, says Dr. Wurm. It’s great to introduce singing, piano, baseball, acting, tennis, and soccer—heck, bring it all on—to learn what the kid likes. But it’s very difficult for kids this little to pick up new skills. They’ll work and work and work for months to learn things that will at later ages take just moments to master.

Instead, at this age, the best predictor of our children’s success in a particular discipline is her love of and enjoyment in what she’s doing, says Dr. Wurm. She asks: What sounds more loving and more enjoyable: (a) a child spending an hour alone with an adult stranger who is paid to drill in skills, or (b) receiving positive attention from parents and supportive social energy from friends while playing on a team? If you said b, Dr. Wurm agrees. We can enroll our kids in a low-priced community league or theater organization and also supplement after season or on the side with activities during which we bestow praise for hard work (meaning we have to pay attention). We as parents have been sold on the idea that someone else knows how to work with our kids better than we do, says Dr. Wurm. But we know these kids better than anyone! We can tell when they’re trying hard and when they’re only acting as if they’re trying hard. We can call them out. A private teacher will not. And let’s also remember, plenty of nonexperts have coached their kids to professional greatness, such as the parents of Venus and Serena Williams, for example. We can handle this.

“Your child’s success in her extracurricular field—not to mention throughout life—will depend on her desire to challenge herself,” says Dr. Wurm. “You can fuel that desire by rewarding her efforts. You want the child to tolerate frustration. You can cultivate her ability to do so by praising her endurance. It’s that simple. And it’s that cheap.” For some, however, it’s not that easy. To most of us, the idea of cheering the attempt, not the success, sounds lovely. But for a few of us accustomed to keeping score, it’s pretty darn hard, says Dr. Wurm. As we tell our kids: Restraint today can be very gratifying tomorrow. And that applies here.

We should also work on organizing group activities, which should offer lots of cheering opportunities. We can invite kids to the park for soccer drills and cheer for the kids running like crazy. We can host softball games, and when a kid swings the bat with such concentration we can practically feel the focus, we’ll pretend not to notice if she misses.

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